I spent the weekend in Monterrey with a friend and we enjoyed some great "girl time." Sadly, she had to leave early this morning for work, so I stayed and thought I'd do a little reading and writing. As I sat and watched families walk along the beach and kids play in the ocean, it took me back to a time when my children were small. It sure doesn't seem like it's been 25 years since I became a mother myself.
In just about five weeks, my beautiful blue-eyed, curly blonde haired baby boy who mimicked MC Hammer's signature moves in his "Can't Touch This" video, will be married just a few miles up the road. It truly doesn't seem possible. We spend so much time "getting things done" we forget we should be "living in the moment." If I could go back in time, I don't think I would change anything about my life as it has made me who I am today; However, I would read my kids their WHOLE bedtime story, instead of skipping pages because I had to finish up the dishes and put the last load of clothes in the dryer. I would let them eat that bowl of ice cream they would beg me for at breakfast on a Saturday morning while watching Scooby-Doo. I would join my kids in a bathtub full of bubbles with my clothes on and all, just to make them laugh when they wanted me to join them.
As I gazed off into the ocean admiring its beauty, a blonde pony-tailed girl in a flowing white sundress caught my eye. She was writing words in the sand with a small stick and then outlined them in shapes of hearts. I couldn't make out what she was writing, but she quickly snapped a picture with her phone before the tide came in and washed her masterpiece away. This continued for some time and she seemed as if she was in a race against time. Could she finish before the next set of waves hit the shore and washed them away?
As I sat and watched her, I wondered what her story was. Was she in love or was she trying to get over a heartbreak? Did she lose someone close to her and she was honoring their memory in the sand?
It got me thinking about my life and how I want so deeply to leave something in this world that can't be washed away by the pounding ocean surf, when I am no longer here on earth admiring its beauty. I want to make a difference. I want to make a better world for my children and grandchildren one day. I want to be remembered as a woman who made a lot of mistakes, who was broken and not perfect. A woman who used her brokenness to gain a deeper understanding of herself. I want to be remembered as a wife of noble character who strived to bring her husband good, not harm, all the days of her life. I want to be remembered as a woman that was clothed with strength and dignity and laughed without fear of the future. I want be the example of what happens to hardened hearts of those you love when you change your own heart first. I want to be remembered as a woman who took a stand for what was right no matter what the consequences were, even when she knew she could lose everything. I want my kids to look back and remember me as a mother who loved them more than she loved herself.
Sadly, over the past few weeks I've had personal possessions taken from me. My Coach bag stolen from the carousel at the airport before I was able to retrieve it and just last night here at the hotel, someone walked away with my Nikon camera. It got me thinking.......the most important 'things" in life are not "things." Worldly possessions can be gone as quickly as we buy them. Just look at families that try and recover from devastated tornadoes or floods. These families lose everything they have. Sure, everyone likes to have nice things and when they are taken from you, you feel violated. But what I have come to realize these last few weeks is that my heart, my joy and my identity should never be in something I can lose. My husband, my children, my job, my home or my fun car! The only thing that my identity should be in is CHRIST.
His unfailing love for us is the ONLY thing we will never lose. Even at times when we think we don't want it and we choose to run away from Him.......He still waits patiently for us and continues to pursue us. It brings me such peace knowing that He will NEVER give up on those who love Him and will always search for us until he brings us home.
Andrea (Andi), is an Author, musician, speaker and Founder of Transcended Ministries. She encourages women to rise above their circumstances and to trust in God's timing. She is involved in Celebrate Recovery and sings on the worship team at her church. Andi believes no hurt is ever wasted and she longs to bring a message of hope and healing as she shares her story of bold faith. Her story includes her struggle with control issues and co-dependency followed by a separation from her husband of twenty-five years. After a year of isolation and being on her own, she watched God bring transformation, healing, and reconciliation.